Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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