Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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