yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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