A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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