That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
