i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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