I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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