Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
