Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
