whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
