You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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