The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
