the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
