Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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