You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
