I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
