I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
