"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
