is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
