I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
