god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
