I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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