Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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