I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
