a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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