I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm sobbing to NWA
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
