Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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