I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
