Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I need a beard to bite.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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