mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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