Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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