we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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