Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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