yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
