I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
