just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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