i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
