i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
