my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
