One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
