i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
