You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
