i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
be right there i have to get my cape
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize