he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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