it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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