can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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