Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
