I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
