He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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