i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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