It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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