I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
