It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize