My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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