i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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