Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
