I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
