They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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