my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
