Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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