..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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