Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
