I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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