Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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