Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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