wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
