you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
