Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
