I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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