my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
