Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
